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Oct 30, 2017

My Anxiety Story

October 30, 2017 0 Opinions
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We all have our bouts with anxiety. For some it is just when they are stressed out. For others, it is all the time. I am one who experiences anxiety all the time, especially in social situations. Down below is my story of how and when I realized something may be wrong with my head.

Make sure to comment #AnxietySucks down below if you
have it also

So when I was younger I was very quiet. Everyone used to say I was shy. I hated that word. I wasn't shy, I just didn't have anything to say. I was quiet. No one thought of it as social anxiety. Back then social anxiety was not much talked about. I knew I was not shy, I was something else.

I really don't recall when I started to think that is was social anxiety. I recall a time when this girl moved across the street to me. For 6 months or so, I would only talk to her writing on a sheet of paper. This was back in 1998. Her brother I never even talked to for well over 10years. That might have been due to my crush on him also. 

I remember things changing in school when I stayed back in grade 7. I hated it so I shut myself down. For the next 5 years I was the quiet one. Never saying a word unless I was called upon in class. I didn't want to be the quiet one but after a while, I couldn't change it. I didn't have it in me to say anything. I would freeze up when someone bothered to talk to me. My body got used to not speaking.

When I got home, I was a different person. Loud and crazy. I would not shut up.

I got my first job right after I finished high school. I was determined not to be the quiet/shy girl again. Unfortunately with social anxiety that doesn't happen. I was once again the one that didn't talk and it sucked. I couldn't change it no matter how hard I tried. When I tried, I just got too nervous. Still didn't think of the possible social anxiety. 

I have such awful phone anxiety that when it rings I will just stand there looking at the caller id panicking. Even if it's someone important or someone I know, I won't answer It. the only time I answer the phone is if my mom is calling. Though at times I get too nervous to even answer my mom. 

In order to call someone back, I have to go in a room alone. I feel like there is the whole Yankees Stadium packed with people staring at me. It takes me near 30min to an hour just to dial the phone. And when I dial it, I hang it up before anyone could answer. I do that a few times until I can cope with calling. 

Now if I go somewhere I get myself a prize if I did good. Normally I can last about 20min before I get panicky. I start thinking people are staring and judging me.The cars passing by will stalk me. 
I have been going to the store around the corner and right when I get out, I panic. I want to run home but I know that will make me look like an insane person. 

Online I pretend that people are mindless robots typing back to me. If I think they are actual humans then I will begin to panic. If I get into a conversation online then I will start to over think it and freak. Sometimes I don't reply to people since I have no clue what to say.

I started Paxil back in May 2011 so far it doesn't work as well as I want it to. It does help with my fear of planes crashing into my house.  I think its more of a depression pill then anything. I want to get off it too and try Xanax.

Often I wonder what my life would be like if I got on pills or a therapist earlier. Would I be married and have kids? How would my life be different? If it would be at all. 

Social anxiety and self harm is not what defines me. It is a big part of me though. It does not define you either. We are bigger and stronger then the demons we face daily

Thank you for reading. I will see you next Sunday

Oct 22, 2017

Am I Normal Part 1

October 22, 2017 0 Opinions
Am I normal if I want a brain scan?
Am I normal if I want a near death experience? 
Am I normal if I wouldn't be scared if I was told i'm dying? 
Am I normal if I want a bee to sting me?

These are some of the questions that ponder around in my head late at night.

Am I normal?? 

What is Normal?? 

According to Google- conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected, common

Can a person ever be Normal? 

To me this answer is a clear NO.

We are all different in our own ways, unique. So how could we ever be normal?

Normal to you may differ from normal to me

So am I normal? 

Thinking of the questions on top and the answers to the questions below, Am I normal? Not you, me Tiana. Are the questions I ponder normal

To you maybe I am abnormal. Maybe I need to some help

But to me, I am normal. I question life. I think the way others don't think

Think about this- If we are all unique, wouldn't that be normal??

I want you to think long and hard (that's what she said) about this.  Leave your thoughts in the comments section.

Be sure to answer if you think I am normal for thinking the way I do. Am I strange??

*Don't let anyone tell you that you are not normal. And if they do, tell them 'Fine I don't want to be normal, I want to be me'
You are unique and amazing :D  

Fun Coloring Printable

October 22, 2017 0 Opinions
Hey hey there. Now I am working on something fun right now. I wanted to show a bit of a preview preview.  Now it will be way more than just this type of thing. Trust me it will be something you will love.

You can stayed tuned here for more information

                                                        Print here

Oct 5, 2017

Vegas, Hurricanes and More

October 05, 2017 0 Opinions
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πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’” First I want to send love and hugs to all the families affected by what happened in Vegas and the hurricanes. I am so sorry about these events and that actions did not happen sooner

Vegas Shooting

   As we learn more about the guy, we ask more and more questions of how we can stop this from happening again. The sad reality being that it will happen again and again. We have been questioning what can be done?
If we get stricter laws on gun control, it will help. However people can still access guns from sellers on the street.

These people know what they are doing. They do not wake up one day and say Hey I think I will shoot up this place. These are smart people we are dealing with. Mentally insane yes but smart to know how to effectively carry these attacks out.

I wish I knew what we could do but I have no clue. A wall will not help. Banning countries will not help. These people are our neighbors, normal citizens we see every day. Not just Isis, Muslim but white, black... Any person is capable of committing these crimes. That is what our government does not want to hear. They want it to be as simple as building a wall. Lets face the facts here, its not that simple

I wish this world can go back to have people not be scared to go to concerts or clubs or even walk down the street.
  Just stay safe in all the you do


    This happens every year of course but it has not been this bad in years. States that have been hit have been getting hit over and over again. Now we have a hurricane on the horizon as we speak. That may even hit the same places that have been hit.

The hurricanes are not even the problem, it's the fact we have a president that does not seem to care for anyone.
A president that throws paper towels into the crowd in Puerto Rico. A president that says Hey you are wasting all the money.
A president that tells a mayor to shut up and stop complaining. This while she is out in 5 feet deep water asking citizens how they are. The president meanwhile? Golfing
A president that cares more about whether NFL players stand or not for the National Anthem. Who has no clue why the players are kneeling in the first place nor does he seem to care

Make sure you pay close attention to the weather during hurricane season to be prepared

My take on the Kneeling

    I believe that people have a right to protest what they want. Believe what they want. That being sad, this has never had anything to do with the National Anthem, well a tiny bit. More of the shooting of innocent black men by cops. Now it has become about the president not caring and players standing as a league. I think it is great.

The president really should be focused on more things then the NFL like the country

My Move to Montgomery and My ankle

   Recently I moved to Albama. So far I have been loving it. We live in a Motel currently which is fine since they have cable haha. They also have a pool and since the weather is so warm here, I can go swimming

  As far as my ankle is concered, it has been healing. If you did not know, I fracuted two bones in my ankle nearly one month ago. The pain is there but the bruise has gone.
I have to call a chiropractor to see what they say. Make sure it is healing right and I don't need surgery. Ask why I have such major pain. First I need to get my insurance in order.

Not much to speak of in my life currently. Just moved and my ankle is healing. Oh and also that hurricane I was talking about earlier seems to be on track to hit Alabama as a tropical storm. I am keeping a close eye on it since it is due to hit this weekend.

MLB playoffs are going well. My team is the Yankees!!!!


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