Mar 16, 2017

Forever Lonely

Do you ever feel like you will never find any friend or any boyfriend/girlfriend?? Yeah that is how I feel all the time. Really it has been years since I have had an actual friend. 10 or so. 

Below is my story of how I feel that I will be forever lonely. If you relate then be sure to tell me down in the comments









People joke of how their gonna be forever alone and never find that one true love. I think I'm honestly gonna be forever alone with just my animals


fablemoonsays.com


I have social anxiety and now that I'm 29 I have grown accustomed to staying inside. I like just bringing Kobe in the backyard and not having to talk to anyone. My way of living is not the best as I have found myself going insane on occasions but it's comfortable.

 I fear the outside world and people. When you learn to love or trust someone, they always seem to find a way to make you regret your decision.

Its not that I don't want any friends, it's just ... Honestly I don't know what it is. Maybe I like only having online friends because they never find out the real me. I fear if they do find out then they won't like me. I have lost my way of communicating with people

I'm not narcissistic but I feel that I am right all the time and don't get ways of other people's thinking. I can't see any one else point of view


I think I have Avoidance personality disorder. Read more in link
here


I also think I have an emotional detachment. As I feel no emotions for other people. I don't really care for them. I care for animals more than I do for people. Maybe it makes me a bad person
here


Problem is that I have no clue on how these even came about. I know I have always had social anxiety problems but I'm not sure how I became detached to people and not wanting to be around people.


I want friends and a boyfriend. I want to snuggle with a guy when it's cold, snuggle close together watching a movie, have him hold me when i'm sad, have someone say they love me, have them say I'm their girlfriend and of course have sex with them ;)

But I also don't want them here all the time. An hour of the day in person every day. Chatting via text or online chat all other times would be good for me. I don't want them to live with me. Last time I had a crush on someone, I stopped eating. I hate when people see me eat

I think it all comes down to letting people in, trusting them, seeing the real me. The reason I cut myself is I don't want to cry as it shows weakness. I don't know another form of coping with my emotions. Writing yes but it does not always help.


I will be taking therapy soon as I seem to have many issues and need help with them. Although I wish somehow it would all go away before I have to talk to another person about how I'm feeling. But I don't think that is gonna happen

I am who I am and don't want to change me even if it means I will forever be alone with just my animals. I have faith that maybe someone will love me for who I am and not make me change

I'm not afraid of change in general like changing where I live but I fear changing who I am. I don't want to live like this for another 10 years since I have lived like this for the past ... many years. I'm conflicted. I trust God will help through my journey of becoming a better me while not changing who I am


"I'm not changing myself, I am growing up to become a better me"

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